Why Bother with Primaries? Let the Oligarchs Decide!

Image by Dall-E

In the grand spectacle of modern democracy, one thing is painfully clear: the process of choosing our leaders is far too democratic. Every four years, millions of well-meaning citizens trudge to the polls, believing their vote matters in the grand scheme of things. But let’s face it — the primary process is a relic of a bygone era, one that’s both inefficient and, dare I say, a bit too egalitarian for today’s sophisticated world. It’s time we cut through the red tape and embrace the inevitable: let’s just have the oligarchs pick our candidates.

Primaries Are So Last Century

Think about it. Primaries are expensive, messy, and way too unpredictable. Why should we leave the fate of our nation in the hands of voters, who often don’t even have the decency to consult with Wall Street before casting their ballots? The average voter is woefully uninformed — a fact proven time and again by their insistence on voting for candidates who, gasp, speak to their needs. What a concept!

Who Needs the People Anyway?

In a world where billionaires casually stroll into space, do we really need the plebs deciding who gets to run the country? The people have enough to worry about: rising costs of living, unaffordable healthcare, the occasional existential…